I took one goldfish out of aquarium today. My dear goldfish in a spoon of water now, moves into his new place to the trash bin under the sink without wasting time. I mean, I put it right there and he had no chance to close his eyes which had never had a chance in all life, he looks like looking at me. I worried but not very much. I laid quilt over Mary. I saved eleven dollars and fifty cent today and a goldfish died. Mary looks happy, I am not sure if she rejoices because he died but I know she doesn’t care about him.I can never figure her out, someone must tell me about her – A plump girl who I used to play hide and seek together. Someone is walking around rooms at home, never cares me and the goldfish. We grew up and have changed a lot. I was teasing her years ago. If I do nothing, I may die. I pulled her hair and made her wake up. I fell asleep in peace as I thought I had annoyed Mary. I woke and sang arias to drive her mad. When she woke up, I slept again.
I was just about to leave home around half-past seven, she wanted me to buy some thousand-leaf at the market place. She had been doing very interesting and meaningless things these days, so I didn’t ask the reason of it. The money was only enough to buy some celery and some bread , so I came home with thousand-leaf. I could buy some bread but Ididn’t. I wanted her to suffer and hurt. She never cared, she made a mask with it for the beauty of her face. I was already ugly and have never needed to apply a face mask. She didn’t ask me if I wanted it or not. I didn’t ask , either. I took my mirror from my secret drawer and squeez pimples and black spots. I plucked all my right eyebrow. My face was freshened up with one eyebrow.I saw Mary in the mirror in my hand, she was so beautiful and much more bloomed with the thousand-leaf mask. She pulled up her skirt and watching her own beautiful legs. Her legs are charming, too. I dropped down the mirror from my hands. she was grumbling that breaking a mirror brings bad luck for forty-one years, and I didn’t have a reason to look at the mirrors as I was always very ugly. She added that I was unlucky enough. Although everything , I took the biggest piece of the broken mirror secretly to my drawer. Sometimes I would like to look at my face. I miss my motiveless ugliness from time to time. I won’t tuck her in bed, I wish she had died because of pneumonitis.
I like eating unnecessary things. Firstly, I unshell pistachios, delicately and with the same caution I divide them as two parts and finally I eat all the unshelled and divided nuts as a big feast of taste . This makes my life easier, not to live for a big reason or not to wait for being invited to a wine and dine. All these unshelling activities go on about two hours untill I finish around a pound of it. I continue to eat sunflower seeds during the ongoing time and try to consume all nuts and time . I unshell the nuts and eat them, life goes on, in a way, time passes. Mary says I would be like a sack of potatoes and uglier than even before. Over and above , I was wasting money. Maybe, she is right but tell me a good reason for consumption and I will keep my hands off eating pistachios and sunflowers, extremely. I refuse to get into my shell, eating is life.
I have two more achnes on my nose now.”They put a damper on my beauty “, she is getting out of breath from laughing. I’m laughing a lot now. We tally with time and life. I probably wouldn’t like her so much if she stayed longer with me but she sleeps few and far at home. I like her limited. She will go soon. I like watching her beauty, the lack of my life. Every morning , I leave home, every year I lost my last age, every summer a familiar face moves away, every dog dies before me, life is actually just departure from cities and going away. She will move away. Another goldfish died today. She throws all goldfish one by one to the trash in days. She stands up suddenly and walks to the gardrobe, takes her favourite white shoes and opens the locker and takes out policies, papers and some letters, then bustles and throws all the nonsense stuff over the dead fish. I guess, junking gives her a secret charge. Motivelesness tickles her to death, this is the joy of her life. I want to read the letters but I don’t want to see the dead fish. The beautiful and secret woman…
