I stopped for a moment. I am very sorry, Alberto. I have never wanted to break your heart. I used to be in love with you. Now? I want to walk away. I lit up a cigar. It is easier not to think of you and past, now. Quite a few things, actually; we were in Milano, we were walking on wet pavements with the smell of renaissance with italian language at a rainy night. I can’t stop regretting myself, I had loved you long enough, I refuse to feel guilty, love is love, it had started in Milano and ended in Istanbul, long distances to be a lover, you were feeling as same as me, we had been lovers before we moved to one life, now do you think the big love really ended?, I am too scared to hear the answer, I don’t like the facts , I am for dreams and imaginations, behind the cigar smoke in rain I am the woman to leave not to be left, I wanna go first, I must move before time this time, I have always been late in life, this must be the first time that I have ever made a move before time and the player, to be honest I am in rush to break up, before, before you…I found someone else, to be loved more and longer , the king of endless love, we have been near the end of our story and I think that you are thinking as me, we used to make long and strong sentences with future and love, we have been talking only about the moment for nights, stories, songs, plots, poems…They are about to over. Before all the pages finish, I must shut the door with a song playing at home, we both love reading Camus, we are enjyoing deeply listening to jazz, but maybe you won’t any more…You may be bored by my words, more possibilities to be left, more fears , more doubts…The conversation might last for more rainy walkings with doubtful pauses, very curious steps, never certain plans, mostly probable secrets, I can’t stand to be in a blue funk, you are impossible for me to love more, I’m hoping we’ll do well , instead of being with you mistrustingly, I prefer to be in trustworthy loneliness… I walked down the street, sat down on a pavement, lit up another cigar, thought of you and stood up without you… I walked home alone…
